I am Enough

My current petty struggle with my partner is nothing other than the familiar go ‘round I seem to reach with each of my long term commitments: my former husband, my last partner, and my present beloved. It always comes down to my expecting them to fill up the needy places inside me. I expect some One person to love and accept those things about me that even I have trouble liking about me. It brings out my sometimes-feelings-of-not-having-enough from someone. Not enough time for me; not enough understanding; not enough fill in the blank.
 

 At such times, I seek elsewhere for whatever will make up for this lack. A good book, a tasty sweet, a walk along the river, time with my cats, an exchange with a friend, writing, or creating a piece of art. Anything that might temporarily plug up the hole.

Eventually it all gets resolved.

I find what I’m ultimately looking for, but have forgotten. . .

a bit of calm and unexpected self-acceptance.

A new insight.

A sense of fulfillment.

I reclaim my place of knowing it is only I who can find the solution. And I turn back in the direction of happiness. I allow the light. Open to hope.

It’s taken a lifetime worth of effort to learn this. Thanks to those I have loved and who have loved me in return, I have finally come to accept that I must be my own best friend.

Now, finally, I can look in the mirror, smile, and say to those blue eyes looking back at me. . .what a wonder filled being I am.